Remake Insanity, Part 3: "The Seven Samurai"

by Chris MaGee

I was confused when they remade Akira Kurosawa's "Sanjuro". I was appalled when they remade "The Hidden Fortress". Now I'm... I'm at a loss for words at the news that Hiroyuki Nakano, the director behind "Samurai Fiction" and "Red Shadow" has remade... wait I need a moment... has remade "The Seven Samurai"!

I know! But wait! It's get's so much worse! The film has been made to be featured on a pachinko machine (?!?!), or at least that's what Ryuganji.net is reporting. I spent over an hour wildly surfing for more information on this, trying to piece together a history of the project and Google translating like crazy, all the while swinging from a fiery rage to absolute sorrow, but try as I might I couldn't get more info on the pachinko connection. Those pinball bandits are sophisticated, but I never thought sophisticated enough to show an entire film!

But back to this "film", and the wildly impressive cast that Nakano somehow convinced to star in it: Masatoshi Nagase, Tomorowo Taguchi, Kumiko Aso, Yoji Tanaka and even Sonny Chiba! They all get their own sections on the film's official site, all of them posed like our beloved Toshiro Mifune, Takashi Shimura, Daisuke Kato, Seiji Miyaguchi, etc., and all of it set to classic songs by The Rolling Stones! Wha...?

This. Is. A. Nightmare.

So, there's no sign (yet) that this will be screened in theatres as opposed to being featured on a pachinko machine... and let's hope it never does.